2 AM: 2020 this is for you

Photo Source: Google

I spent the whole month of December 2020 trying to figure out how would I describe my year,  and I kept asking myself why am I making it so difficult when in fact I only need two words to sum it up, Covid19 and Quarantine.

I don’t have a lot of adventures from travels to share or I simply don’t have new experiences to narrate and we all had enough sad stories for me to add my Keeping Up with My Depression series . So why blog? Or maybe because I felt bad about myself for not writing when in fact I had a lot of time during quarantine to write about what have I been thinking. But whatever it may be, the year 2020 deserves a blog post!

I hated the year for it brought me months to stay at home and experience anxiety, dealing with my own mind which constantly reminds me of my unworthiness plus I’m dying without having to live my dreams were the worst and most challenging part of 2020, anxiety and depression was 2020’s memories for most of us.

But we all needed 2020.

It let us be depressed, be sad and lonely without hating ourselves more like we used to.

The world without 2020 was like a race, we live in a world where taking our time is a form of weakness, when we have depression, we have to push ourselves to get better the next day or soon because the world around us will not wait for when we’re okay, even when losing someone we love and getting our heart broken we still have to look and check on our watch because we knew there are still some things we have to do, with a heavy heart no matter what we were going through the world just kept on moving, the world didn’t stop for us, but 2020 did. All the sadness and pain it brought was a way of telling us that if things were normal, would we ever give ourselves a time to heal?

For the first time in our lives, we felt what it really means to say that life is not a race, because for the first time in our lives it felt like we were on the same page of a book, it didn’t matter where we live and who we are, we were all brought on a certain chapter.

And 2020 even during the few days]left, you gave me a fever and a broken eyeglass, No matter how much I hate you I knew that I needed you.

2 AM: What I’ve found in Nueva Ecija

The only time I remember Nueva Ecija was when I was in high school, when during a test I chose Pangasinan as the rice granary of the Philippines, the answer was Nueva Ecija. And because I don’t want to write more about the test, how it went or even my test score, this is about Nueva Ecija.

The first time I visited Nueva Ecija was eight months ago, I even celebrated my 21st birthday there and the last time I’ve been to Nueva Ecija was just a month ago. Originally, I came from Visayas, Calbayog City, Samar to be exact. I speak Waray Waray and no I don’t dance Budots. I speak Tagalog in a very trying hard kinda way, still confused when to use “susunduin and kukunin”, I never knew “Kukunin po kami mamayang hapon” sounds both creepy and funny to them.

I’ve found out that Nueva Ecija have the best tasting delicacies and because food is life, think I fell inlove. Nueva Ecija’s version of Pakbet must be one of the inspirations of the song Bahay Kubo, the Tilapia Ice Cream was out of this world and adobong Palaka was just exotic at its best. Rice coffee made me speechless, until now.

But it wasn’t just the place, and believe me it wasn’t just the food that caught my heart.

Something so close to my heart.
Most of us like traveling, moving from one place to another, the love in motion that we keep on looking for in different places, but deep within us, oh how we all love to be home, and yes I’ve found a home in Nueva Ecija.

I’ve realized that home is not just the place we were born and raised, home is the people, home is the feeling. I am grateful that I’ve found a home in Nueva Ecija and more than anything, what keeps us going back home… is family.

2 AM: To my first follower

Ba Na Hills, Da Nang Vietnam

To my first follower, because you deserve the love sent through this letter.
My first follower who also edited my site, Thank You. I am more than grateful.

Writing is always my favorite part of the day, when I just have to feel comfortable with my journal and pen, today with the laptop. Sometimes life brings us closer or even far away from what we love to do, in my case I lost the love for writing. When I was in college, I took a course closest to writing and editing hoping to learn more but it didn’t end that way. The situation made me anxious and insecure. It took me weeks to even write a single essay. I was at the point of life where I hated writing.
I don’t read like I used to, I don’t like seeing contents to read, and I know it’s not simply because I don’t like it, it’s because I’m avoiding the feeling of being sad to accept that I forgot how it felt like, to write your heart out. For some time, I blamed myself for not being good enough, not confident enough to write. Until one day, I met this blogger.

Boredwriter, you made me realize that it’s not Writing that I don’t like, it’s what I write, the experience of being constantly told what to write, it made me anxious because I want to write what’s on my mind, to write from the heart. You made me realize that it is possible. You are my favorite blogger, my favorite person. I hope you realize how amazing you are, and how a blessing you are in this world not just for me but to all the people who loves you.

Ha Long Bay, Vietnam

It all started from stalking, and I guess I’ll never stop stalking you. I am forever grateful that God led me here and met you because if it wouldn’t for you, I won’t be writing today, and it wasn’t just that, the travel experiences you’ve shared with me, those moments that reminded me of God’s love through making our dreams come true. Thank you for everything.

When you have battles inside, I hope you always remember the writer that you are, you’re stronger than this, when you get tired of being strong, remember that warriors get tired too, and still they are great warriors because of their brave heart not just because of the battles they’ve won.

You have the heart of a writer. Deep and Loving. You’re so far, I wish I could hug you cause you are like a big sister I never had. You have a special place in my heart, I appreciate you and that I may be annoying for the years to come but I’ll always be here, the no. 1 fan girl. May life brings you more joy more travels more moments to remember!
To more blog contents and happier life!

the writer you’ve inspired,
Jessa.

The Parisian Macau

I am a dreamer and will always be.

When I started to realize that there is a world out there I started to wander. I haven’t been to any place outside Calbayog City until I was eighteen.

“I am not scared to be lost, I am excited for the journey of finding my way home.”

So I patiently waited until I was eighteen hoping that I can save for travel, I am satisfied to see the world from the screen, I consider myself lucky when the first mall was opened with an escalator (actually it’s just a 2-floored building), I remember going there almost every weekend not for the stuff they sell but because of that escalator, wow.

It is such a common story, when a person will leave our town at an early age to find the things that our City can’t offer to everyone, enough opportunities. I wanted to leave so bad, but I didn’t. I have all the reasons to leave, but I want to make my own story and again save of course.

I wanted a degree, a university is waving at me.
I needed money for studies, diskarte is the key.
Some people might think that Calbayog is less, well nothing is less for people who want to succeed. We have to grab even the smallest of chance, every opportunity.

When I turned eighteen, this is it.
Just so I can experience what it’s like outside Calbayog even just for some time while I am still studying, I started volunteering where I needed nothing but myself. It was one of the best decisions I ever made. From escalator to elevator 😎

Alot happened. The best, better, good and the not so good.
I feel so blessed to have able to experience the things that I can only imagine before. How great is our God.
I still have a long way to go. The world still keeps on inspiring me, I have new dreams to chase and I will do whatever it takes just to live on that dream.