I spent the whole month of December 2020 trying to figure out how would I describe my year, and I kept asking myself why am I making it so difficult when in fact I only need two words to sum it up, Covid19 and Quarantine.
I don’t have a lot of adventures from travels to share or I simply don’t have new experiences to narrate and we all had enough sad stories for me to add my Keeping Up with My Depression series . So why blog? Or maybe because I felt bad about myself for not writing when in fact I had a lot of time during quarantine to write about what have I been thinking. But whatever it may be, the year 2020 deserves a blog post!
I hated the year for it brought me months to stay at home and experience anxiety, dealing with my own mind which constantly reminds me of my unworthiness plus I’m dying without having to live my dreams were the worst and most challenging part of 2020, anxiety and depression was 2020’s memories for most of us.
But we all needed 2020.
It let us be depressed, be sad and lonely without hating ourselves more like we used to.
The world without 2020 was like a race, we live in a world where taking our time is a form of weakness, when we have depression, we have to push ourselves to get better the next day or soon because the world around us will not wait for when we’re okay, even when losing someone we love and getting our heart broken we still have to look and check on our watch because we knew there are still some things we have to do, with a heavy heart no matter what we were going through the world just kept on moving, the world didn’t stop for us, but 2020 did. All the sadness and pain it brought was a way of telling us that if things were normal, would we ever give ourselves a time to heal?
For the first time in our lives, we felt what it really means to say that life is not a race, because for the first time in our lives it felt like we were on the same page of a book, it didn’t matter where we live and who we are, we were all brought on a certain chapter.
And 2020 even during the few days]left, you gave me a fever and a broken eyeglass, No matter how much I hate you I knew that I needed you.